


Break

by BabylonSabby



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, M/M, Metaphor, Metaphorical, break - Freeform, dave strider - Freeform, dirk strider - Freeform, symbolic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2016-03-25
Packaged: 2018-05-28 22:11:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6347587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BabylonSabby/pseuds/BabylonSabby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You're Dave Strider and you're terrified of the inevitability that is meeting your brother for the first time. Upd8 Response.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Break

Everything about you is passionate, literal fire that blazes from your finger tips. You are Dave Strider. And you’re a bird. You’ve always been a bird. Always quick to fly away. But now you’re stuck. Stuck in a frozen moment when all that fiery spit and blood you call lava has all but left your veins. Now it just trickles. And waits. It’s there, but it’s not gone. You know what it’s doing now?

Rather than elevate you, it keeps you stationary. It’s become something else. It’s serving another person. It’s like a ticking time bomb just waiting to explode. And what are you waiting for exactly?

Him.

You thought Karkat could comfort you, but now he’s off bickering with Vriska. John’s a beautiful, majestic unicorn of a creature, but you’re afraid of him now. Afraid to say anything. All those things you were afraid of when you were little are manifesting slowly but surely in your very own best friend. He’s an ice cube. You know he just doesn’t understand, that he needs more time. More education. But you didn’t think he’d be so…confused. It feels like any second, if you say one word about it, that he’ll disown you. And all that love you felt for him would have been in vain. That not even his friendship meant anything. You used to worship the ground he walked on. You idolized him. And now here he is, making questioning glances at you. Trying to figure you out. But why should it fucking matter?

Why should it fucking matter?

That’s when it hits you. If it didn’t matter he wouldn’t be making these faces at you.

It causes the fire inside you to well up, but then something freezes it once more.

It’s not just John you’re afraid of.

It’s your brother.

And you can feel his presence getting closer and closer. He’s headed straight towards you, it feels like. Like he can see you from above. He’s an eagle, soaring mightily like he always has. And you are his prey. Like you always have been.

That’s what you’re afraid of.

A little shiver runs up your spine.

You’re not afraid of taking a hit, you’ve done it before.

What you’re actually afraid of is facing him in a different light.

You’re looking around at all your compatriots reuniting with their respective friends and loved ones. This is not the time, nor the place for a bout of scuffle you’d have on the roof of your apartment in Houston. This is a shining, metalic…lily pad. A disc in the darkness of emptiness. Everything has been poignant since you’ve arrived. And that terrifies you. Because you know the sooner he gets here, the sooner you’re going to have to face every single thing you ever experienced with him.

He’s going to be right across from you. And you’re going to have to announce, to everyone, this very intimate, private, complicated life you both lived. You’re going to have to say all those feelings that were welled up in there. And he might say a few back. You’re not sure which is scarier, him knowing your own feelings, or you knowing his. My God. His feelings. For a split second, he’s transformed from this eagle made of silver lightening to a normal…human being. Just like you. Heroic? No. Villainous? Hardly.

But human?

God, it’s too real.

You’re not sure if you can handle it.

Here he comes.

You can feel his breath on your face. You’re imagining it. Where’s your fiery spirit when you need it the most? It’s laid to waste in his wake. This powerful Thunderbird…Dirk Strider. You can’t touch him, you never could. He was always Olympian to you. Large and massive in both spirit and body. He gave you something to reach for, but you never knew if it was actually obtainable. Could you be like him? One day?

And now this bullet of the heavens was headed straight for you.

You suppose the most dignified thing to do would be to just own up to defeat. Succumb to his will. Outstretch your arms like Christ on the cross. Might even whisper, “Take me,” for added effect. The thought of Kanaya uttering, “Phrasing, Dave,” crosses your mind. Yes.

And just when you’re getting ready to do just that, there he is. By God, there he is! He didn’t even envelop you! You expected him to be a dark cloud to devour you and reduce your mind to a clear, blank slate. But instead, here’s this damn kid standing before you. 

There he is.

Godly, divine power wrapped up in the tiniest of packages.

His face is solemn. But radiating from him is a feeling of Home and it makes you want to weep. You want nothing more than to just go home. You can smell the sun battered, city asphalt. All of this just from looking at him.

Like you, he seems to be struggling for some words. Not any words in particular, just whatever come to mind. And both of you are coming up short. 

There is a hush befalling the disc because everyone has been expecting this to some extent. They can feel the tension.

But he’s just standing there, just fucking standing there!

“Was there ever a time,” you choke, “that we could have…I don’t know….flown together?”

You watch his eyebrows raise quizzically, the only indication to facial expression you have on him right now. 

“I thought we already,” he begins, “I thought we did. Did we not? In your universe?”

You shake your head.

He looks downward.

“I thought not. I mean…Maybe I was just thinking in another time, in another universe, we’d actually have the chance.”

You bite your lip. Earlier Rose and Roxy were talking about how their lives were almost direct mirrors of each other. How their decisions and emotions ultimately impacted each loop in the time frame. Was it the same in this case? You test the waters.

“…Did you want to?

Dirk looks up, eyebrows now becoming inquisitive. Slowly he nods. Tentatively even, as if he’s just the slightest bit afraid to admit this. But he’s learning. You figure he’s actually been learning for a long time. And that like you, like everyone else, he’s come a long way. Has learned a lot.

“Me too,” you sputter, cracked voice suggesting you’re on the verge of crying.

“Then why didn’t you? When I was little. Why didn’t you just scoop me up and take me to the skies? Were you too busy?”

You almost laugh.

“I don’t imagine I’d ever be too busy for you, man. In any universe. You were the one who always kept me busy. And I liked it. But I wanted it to be gentler.”

Fuck, you said that way too fast. Way too much, way too fast. Can’t stop now, got to keep rolling with it.

He pauses. Or seems to at any rate.

“What did I do?”

You shake your head. Tears are starting to fall, but you can frankly care less at this point. Just…fuck it. Fuck all of it.

“I don’t know, man. But what you said about the flying thing. I wanted to do it, too. But…we just never got to it. We were together a lot. But you didn’t so much as fly with me as you…threw me. Everything was basically on my own. And you were always one step behind. I wanted you with me. I wanted you to love me.”

“I did! I had to have!”

“…It didn’t feel like it.”

“I…The world was ending.”

“I know. That’s the only reason why I think I can…let it go. I mean…you only had thirteen years to get me ready. I probably would have done the same. I would have been caught between showering you with every possible, conceivable display of brotherly affection I could think of and…actually training you to fight the obstacles on your planet. Mine had already happened, but yours were only just beginning.”

“Yours were, too. In my future timeline.”

“Yeah,” you laugh. “I guess they were.”

There is a silence that encroaches and everything’s so still you can hear the breathing of everyone around you. It’s playing out like a stage performance.

“But you loved me?”

You look at him. Imploring him.

He smiles and nods.

“Yes. With all my heart.”

Of course he would. You’re not sure whether to swell up or chuckle.

“Did you love me?”

The question catches you off guard.

“I wanted to be you.”

He sniffs, his shoulders shaking and his fists clenched. 

“Can you…hold me?”

You try to nod, but it is eaten away by your footsteps. You approach, noting that the gate is brisk.

You wrap your arms around him and the fire is back. That fire that drives you. That fire that lifts you from passive obstinate to gallant drive. Forwardness. His own fingers are quivering as they wrap around your sides and eventually cling to the fabric at your back.

“I’ve always wanted to meet you,” he murmurs.

You clutch him tighter. You’re just glad that soon this will all be over. And who knows? Who knows what will await you after this? Is it all a dream? Will it all go back to the way it was? Or will life throw something different at you? Will Dirk be there? Will he still be your brother? Will he go to school with you? Will he raise you? Will he teach you? What’s going to happen?

On the bright side…it’s a good thing you have most of this…handled…more or less. You can’t think of any other words to say, but you really don’t want to. This is the first embrace you’ve shared since you were a tiny, itty bitty little thing. This time, he embraces you as an equal. A peer. Not some king crowned in a black cap.

“Please don’t leave me again,” you convulse, burying your face in his shoulder.

You hear muffled whimpers from your audience. Most of them are feminine. But Karkat’s is familiar. He has a very loud sniff when his nose is runny.

“I…I won’t,” your brother begins, “just so long as you don’t leave me, either. I can’t watch you die again.”

‘Same’, you think to yourself.

“I’m not,” you answer, “I’m here. I’m gonna stay here.”

“Me, too.” 

He smiles.

And that’s that, then. You are both releasing the embrace, faces licked with moisture. And finally in your heart there is neither chill nor fire. There is only peace. 

With your fingers locked together with your brother’s, you have a strong feeling his heart is peaceful, too.

The End~

Note: the ‘flying’ is a metaphor and sort of an important one. I always thought it was an important theme to this. When I imagine Dirk and Dave living together in peace, I imagine that together, they are like birds flying through the sky. There is harmony between them. They’re both just…brothers. For one split second of their lives. And nothing more. There’s no Game to worry about. No evil possessed dolls. No wars to train for. No enemies to face. No strifes to have. Just the simpleness and peace of mind…in soaring through the skies side by side.


End file.
